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Presence

Here I am, sitting in the centre of the field trying my best to feel the sensation that you gave me and mercilessly destroy it. It has been a while yet the pain is there. The pain of thoughts losing you without myself knowing it. The signs were there but I choose to ignore it because I believe in trust and communication in a relationship.

A year ago, midnight phone calls and endless text became our routine. I never make you to feel that you are lonely; as I want to continue be beside you; to make you feel my presence everywhere, every time, every moment, every gesture and with every breath; I want you to know I’m there.

I miss your smile, you laugh and your scent. I miss to look deeply in your eyes and utter “I love you.” and that whisper to my ears is the most beautiful rhythm I ever listen; “I love you too.”. My favourite move is hugging you tight in my arms and never to let go. Kissing your lips over and over again was and still is my thing to do.

We love each other's sleepy voice. Often, we tease each other during phone calls and I would treat your silence as a queue for me to be the other half; comforting and putting the faith in you. I would never do anything that might and could hurt you; if I did, it was intentionally.

Deep inside this heart, I’m always yours. My love would never change. Despite the amount of pain that you deliver when you hurt me, I never see it as a flaw. Everyday, I keep on and continuing recalling our conversations, laughs, arguments, jealousy and in the end I asked myself, “What went wrong?”.

I believe you still remember these words from me, “I see what others cannot see” and there is a reason upon why there are restriction from me about some of the people that surrounds you when I’m gone; in which in the end that alter our journey.

I see you as my future as I too believe you would be the hand I would hold for marriage. Thinking a future with you is the ultimatum of my dedication and commitment that I never did to any people; except for you. I chose you because being with you brings out the best of me. Loving you is the best thing that ever happened to me and to be separated with you is the most painful experience to me before death.

In a heartbeat, I would kiss you. In a breath, I would hug you. In a sight, I would marry you as my dear Scorpenette, I want to have a future with you; to face the challenge together, to get old together and to create a life together. As here I am, wishing for your return as my life gift present.